Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Fairy How-To: How To Grow A House

    There are many interesting and fascinating things about Fairies that most people do not know. Just like any other culture, Fairies do things a little different than most people which lead me to begin this Fairy How-To segment.

Housing - we humans have many issues when it comes to housing and it can be very costly to keep up with maintenance and relocation. Fairies do not have much of a problem with housing, mainly because they grow their own from the ground with fairy magic. Many times fairies will make themselves at home in a tree, gourd, and even fruits and vegetables. Today we will focus on a small house, perfect for the single fairy, made from a mushroom.

Not all fairies grow houses. Just like humans, there are certain fairies who are trained in one craft. Here in our community the Master Gardener has been training Cricket and PattyCake, two of his newest apprentices. After over a year of training, the two are comfortable enough with their craft to show me the process of growing a mushroom house.

STEP 1: We begin with fertile soil by adding nutrients from a compost pile. So far, so normal - but then it takes a turn for the magical; crystals are added to the soil which will bestow strength and insulation to the walls of the typically squishy fungus. These crystals are said to have been passed down throughout the centuries from one Master Gardener to the next. Both Cricket and PattyCake hope to achieve that title in the future.

Cricket, left, and PattyCake show the beginning stages of a mushroom house.

STEP 2: More magic, of course. Magical seeds of all varieties are created by master gardeners. Can you believe there is a seed for a mushroom? Seeds are very fertile and grow quickly so apprentices are taught to secure their seed satchels before each flight. It has been known, on occasion, to have a cluster of houses pop up overnight due to a clumsy gardner's apprentice. Unfortunately, this action is not easily overlooked when applying to be a master gardener and neither Cricket nor PattyCake have ever done this and always double check the security of their satchels.

After some time has passed and plenty of attention, more houses sprout.

STEP 3: Watering is very important. If you water too much, the house could become too big, too quickly and sink in the moist ground. If you don't water enough, it won't be large enough to live in and be labeled as a child's playhouse. There is only a certain window of time that a magical seed will be fruitful, so adding more water to a house that didn't grow big enough will do no good. Lack of water also risks the home not fully developing insulation.

The process of growing houses is a daily routine. No vacation time for these little apprentices.

STEP 4: Once the mushroom is deemed livable by the housing society, construction crews can begin work on installing a door, windows, internal walls, and all other necessary additions that make a mushroom a home. Pretty soon, these mushrooms will be inhabited by happy fairies or other creatures.

Finally, after a few months of daily attention, this mushroom's walls are sturdy enough to be considered a home. A door and window have been installed and the inside has been gutted out and ready to be decorated. PattyCake is very proud of a job well done.



  1. Would Cricket and PattyCake aspire to rise from journyefarie to masterfairie of the mushroom home building trade. Mind you,as in the human world shoddy craft or inferior material use is oft the case. Heaven forbid that they use toadstools instead of mushrooms or fools gold instead of the real mineral.

    From the story given I assume they would be more the contractor or architect so the outcome could be jeapordized by zoning guidelines, social restrictions before the labororers can even begin to build. Thankfully, they are limited to one story efforts considering the CA threat of quakers rolling by.

    1. Actually, when it comes to making fairy housing, they are not limited to one story efforts. The demonstration above was just their way to show me how to build a basic home. I'll have to try and remember to ask them if they have been trained on multi-leveled buildings the next time I see them. As far as earthquake threats - nature is tenacious but magic is forever. I wonder if you can recall any reports of fairy houses being effected by California earthquakes? If you could find a newspaper clipping and email it to me, I'd appreciate it.